


The Power of Axe

by kylarileiza



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 01:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylarileiza/pseuds/kylarileiza





	The Power of Axe

_Posted years ago to FFN and just trying to get all my stuff under one account.  Enjoy!_

Title:  **The Power of Axe**  
Category: Cartoons » Ninja Turtles  
Author: thehappystalkerball  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K  
Genre: Humor/Parody  
Published: 07-13-10, Updated: 07-13-10  
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,995

* * *

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

* * *

A/N: Inspired by the old Axe commercials from a few years ago when a group of girls would blindly chase a guy just for wearing Axe deodorant. I have no excuse for this, except that this idea just wouldn't leave me.

"One day, I had this brilliant idea!"

"This ought to be good," Raphael snorted.

"As I was saying," Michelangelo continued, shooting his brother a scathing glare, "I had this brilliant idea born of my mind, otherwise known as the Spring of Awesomeness." He looked at his brothers, waiting for them to encourage him to continue. Donatello and Leonardo said nothing, skepticism clear on their features. Raphael rolled his eyes.

"Your modesty has shocked them into silence. Go on, I can't wait to hear what new idea your mind considers  _brilliancy."_

"Yes, prepare to be amazed," Michelangelo warned them. "I was watching TV and I saw this commercial for Axe."

Leonardo cut in, already not liking where this was going. "A commercial about an ax gave you a brilliant idea?"

"I think he means the men's deodorant," Donatello clarified. Leonardo looked even less thrilled about listening to their youngest brother's brilliant idea.

"This just keeps getting better," Raphael quipped.

Michelangelo rolled his eyes at their lack of faith in his ideas, but would not be deterred and continued, "So, it showed how Axe made women go after men no matter what! Axe will make women want you, it doesn't matter about your looks or personality. It was the power of Axe that attracted them. Something about pheromones." Donatello looked ready to say something, but held back.

Raphael wasted no time shooting down this idea. "So, what? You got Axe? Sorry, Mikey, but I don't think April's gonna be going nuts about you anytime soon."

"He's right," Donatello agreed. "And we don't know anyone else you can try it out on. So, we can't really test that. Not only that, we'd run into some  _obvious_ problems."

"I sure hope you're not planning to mess with any of  _our_  pheromones," Raphael added with a scowl, looking greener than usual.

"Mikey, what exactly did you do?" Leonardo demanded. "I'm getting the feeling that you didn't just go out and get yourself some Axe deodorant."

"Nope!" Michelangelo smiled, adding, "I did better."

"Alright, Mikey, out with it already," Raphael growled.

Michelangelo stood at attention, grinning like crazy, but there was a nervous glint in his eyes that made his three brothers uneasy. "I think it would be better if you just saw it for yourself." He glanced at the TV, then up at the clock. "They should be showing it pretty soon." He flicked on the TV and jumped over the back of the couch, landing comfortably on a cushion. His brothers all settled around the TV as well, not sure whether they should be worried or annoyed.

A rerun of a sitcom was on TV. Raphael glanced at the clock, remembering which times his hyper brother's favorite shows came on. "If this is some lame-brained way to rope us into watching TV with you, forget it. I ain't up for another marathon of Naruto or Aaron Stone."

"Aww, why not?"

"Mikey!"

"Okay, okay. It's not. I promise! There's a commercial you'll need to see."

"If you dragged me out here just to watch some Axe deodorant commercial..." Donatello trailed off, an edge to his voice. He had been working on the security system as they'd run into some problems with it just recently.

"Don't worry, this will be  _well_  worth your time."

"I have a feeling none of us feel very assured," Leonardo said, watching the TV with disinterest.

Michelangelo laughed, trying to hide his sudden nervousness. "I know this might be shocking to you guys, but I really thought it was time for us to stop holding ourselves back."

"And Axe  _deodorant_  is going to achieve that,  _how?"_  Donatello asked, beginning to feel genuine fear for his brother's state of mental well-being.

"I hope you didn't do anything that was too stupid, Mikey."

"Leo, you know I only do slightly stupid things in brilliant ways."

"I  _do_  know, and that's where my fear stems from."

The sitcom cut to a commercial break. Michelangelo leaned forward, unable to hide his excitement or anticipation. The other three exchanged worried looks, not sure to be worried for their brother or over what is was they were about to see on the TV. The third commercial in, a happy squeal filled the room and all eyes snapped attentively to the screen.

There was a blackened silhouette shown amongst a crowd of lively people who were not silhouettes. The blacked out figure tried getting a nearby woman's attention, but she brushed him aside, uninterested. A deep voice asked the audience at home, along with the silhouette, "Are you dateless on Friday nights?" The silhouette spent a couple seconds looking for the source of the voice before giving up and nodding his head in answer. "Do you hide yourself from people for fear of what they will think of you?" Again, a nod from the shadowed figure. "You feel like no one will ever love, accept, or understand someone like you?" Rapid nodding from the silhouette followed the last question. The voice went on, "Well,  _fear not!"_

An item was tossed at the figure from off-screen. He easily caught it and stared down at what was clearly Axe deodorant in his hands. The narrator continued, "If you've ever done anything  _really_ crazy, like dying your skin a weird color in an attempt to fight racism and having yourself surgically altered to look like your favorite endangered species, then  **FEAR NOT**. Axe does not judge anyone and will get you out of _any_  bind!"

The onscreen silhouette spritzed himself with Axe and color filled him. At home, his three brothers lost all color.

"Mikey!"

"Michelangelo!"

"What the-?"

Onscreen, Michelangelo grinned crazily as the girls around him suddenly took notice and started showering him with attention. The redhead who had brushed him off earlier grabbed his chin and turned his head towards her. "Hey, there," she purred. "I didn't notice you there before."

The blond girl in from of him spun around. "Whoa, hot stuff, where are you heading 'cause I wanna be there, too." She smiled and winked at him.

A dark-skinned girl to his right grabbed his arm and leaned in close, inhaling deeply, "How about a movie with me?" she asked in a sultry voice.

Without warning, a girl with sleek, black hair ran onto screen and jumped on Michelangelo forcing him to the ground.

The deep voice from before returned, "Even if you've done incredibly stupid things that could be considered borderline insane, Axe will still bring the girls to you like bees to honey!"

A stampeding sound was heard and the camera panned to a large group of girls running towards the turtle sprawled on the ground. He quickly got up and began fleeing, never losing his smile. He looked right into the camera, clearly loving his current dilemma and shouted over the deafening sounds of the girls, "That's the power of Axe, dudes!" He happily informed the audience before disappearing into a sea of girls.

The sitcom came back on. Leonardo, Donatello, and Raphael simply stared at the screen, each hoping they'd just experienced a group delusion. Michelangelo grinned nervously, waiting for each of his brothers to process what they had just seen. Donatello was the first one to find his voice. "Endangered species? S-surgically altered?" he stuttered in disbelief.

Michelangelo beamed. "I saw on TV where this guy had his face surgically altered to look like a tiger, so I figured why not the whole body? Great, huh?"

"Dyed skin? Racism?" Don still muttered to himself, not completely over the initial shock. "Borderline in-insane?"  
 _  
_Raphael glanced at the shell-shocked Donatello. "Mikey, I _am_  amazed. You've done something so stupid, Donnie's brain's about to burst. It can't compute on this level of sheer stupidity."

"It wasn't  _that_  bad," Michelangelo defended himself. At this, Leonardo finally came to life.

"Yes, it  _is_ , Michelangelo! I- _you_ -do you have any idea what you just did? You didn't even check with any of us!"

"Of course not!" Michelangelo cried. "You all would have shot it down!"

"For good reason," Leonardo shot back, exasperated.

Michelangelo gave a quick shake of his head and gave his eldest brother a look of pity. "You just don't understand the creative thinking process, Leo. Right, Donnie?"

Donatello looked at him doubtfully. "I understand that this was creative, I'm just not sure how much  _thinking_  went into the process."

"Why are you guys ganging up on me?" Michelangelo whined. He had been expecting this to some degree, but no one had even commented on how genius his cover story had been. He had been really surprised they had never thought about claiming to be surgically altered humans before. He had thought dying the skin to fight racism was rather noble. They were just in too much shock to truly appreciate the ingenuity of it all. "We can get out of the sewers now. We can live somewhere nice!"

"Mikey, we still won't have the same DNA as humans. The second one of us is hauled to a hospital, it'll be over," Donatello explained.

"So? We just won't go to a hospital and so what if we do? We'll just say we were in a chemical accident or something."

"How can you be comfortable under that pile of lies?" Leonardo demanded harshly.

"Seriously, Leo? I mean, really? Come  _on!_ I want to go to the beach, see things, and not constantly have to hide. You know that shoot was a ton of fun and everyone was super nice!"

"That's because everyone thought you were a  _nutcase!"_ Raphael snapped. "They called you borderline _insane!"_

"And you were making them money," Donatello pointed out. "Did they think you were wearing a costume?"

"No. I saw an Axe commercial one day and thought to myself, 'Wow, Mike, you could really show guys how great the power of Axe is if it can get chicks to run after  _you!'_  Not that I think I  _need_ it, but I saw opportunity, so I knocked. I called the Axe reps and pitched the idea." He paused. "I told them I'd surgically altered myself and dyed my skin, but once I started using Axe, I couldn't stop getting dates. So, they thought that would be an awesome commercial and asked to see me right away."

_"Michelangelooo,"_  Leonardo moaned, putting his head in his hands.

"Look, I get it," Michelangelo conceded.

"Get what?" Raphael demanded. "That you royally screwed up and we're going to have one heck of a time trying to fix your mess?"

_"No."_  He shook his head. "I get why you're acting this way, instead of totally thrilled that we have a real chance to live life to its fullest. It's understandable that you're all jealous of me." He placed the back of his hand against his forehead in a dramatic gesture before heaving a sigh.

"This just keeps getting better and better," Raphael got out before his brother could continue.

"I did get a bunch of hot chicks to chase me around and tell me how awesome I am. And you guys had to watch it happen. I'd be upset, too, if I had that kind of deficiency in awesomeness."

Raphael did not look amused. He cracked his knuckles. "I'm glad you enjoyed being chased so much because you're about to be runnin', but it ain't gonna be from any hot chicks."


End file.
